nursing – Running and Caring

It has been awhile. Life got a little crazy…

I started a new case management job in May 2019. In an effort to fit into my wedding gown, I ran/walked before work, walked at lunch, and did strength training once -sometimes twice – a week. I lost about 10 pounds. I got married on October 5. We tried to follow a “running theme”. I became a wife and “official” stepmom. I gained back 5 pounds. In November 2019, I left my case management job and the hospital I was at for the past 5 years for a new job at a new hospital. I went back to floor nursing. I wish I could say it has been an easy transition. With any kind of change, stress is inevitable, and I have definitely been feeling the stress. However, I have lost the 5 pounds that I gained back, so that is one good thing. In addition, I’m learning different things and engaging with a new crop of sweet, colleagues, which have helped make the stress more manageable in a way. I’m on days right now, but will be returning to night shift next month.

When I transferred to the case management department, I was excited to work days and have a normal work schedule with weekends off. Yes! No more “Zombie Kendra” (as my daughter likes to call me). I went from being a bedside nurse, working three 12-hour shifts at night to a case manager nurse, working five 8-hour shifts. Both jobs are extremely stressful, but stressful in their own unique ways. Case management is mentally stressful. Somedays your caseload consists of 12-15 patients. Other days you have 30 or more. Many times, I would come home mentally exhausted and longing for the days when I only had 4 patients.

The job is a lot tougher than it looks. I remember when I first started, one of the bedside nurses told me, “Case management is the easiest job. It is just about finding out if you need a walker or not.” That was a very ignorant, insensitive, and untrue statement to make. I have an immense appreciation for case managers and case manager assistants, because they have to wear many different hats while dealing with complex issues and situations to provide a safe discharge. I am grateful to have experienced that world though. It has truly helped me to grow as a nurse, as well as provide me with tools to care for patients in a more holistic manner. I am also blessed to have met and worked with a wonderful group of case managers and social workers. I will miss working with them so much! They have taught me more than they will ever realize.

In a stressful world, running has always been my stress release. Unfortunately, I was finding it harder and harder to run with my new schedule and the frenzy world of wedding planning. In the beginning I started waking up at 4am to go run 4 or 5 miles with either myself, Chris, or a colleague at 5:30 am before work. I also started strength training at 24-hour fitness before work one or two times a week. My morning run transitioned into morning walks as I found I could walk in my work clothes and not have to wake up so early.

I also discovered WOOTrunning! I was fortunate to learn about Woot when I was a case manager in training. Sergio, one of the monitor techs learned I was into running and advised me to get in touch with Junior, a physical therapist at my hospital who hosts a running club. I met Junior, a very upbeat and personable runner, who invited me to run with his group on Wednesday nights at Fashion Island and Sunday mornings at Common Room Roasters in Newport Beach. It is Woot and Junior that made me realize how much I missed running with a group.

After my disappointing race and first DNF at American River, I sort of fell into a slump. Running became a chore and it wasn’t exciting anymore. In retrospect, I was probably just burnt out and exhausted from work and finishing grad school. It was a mistake to train for a 50 miler right after I got my MSN. I know that now. I should have focused on building up my fitness level again instead of logging in insane weekly mileages. No wonder I got injured. I was not ready. End of story.

I was nervous about running with a new group. I wasn’t fast. What if I was left behind? What if these people were running snobs? Junior assured me I would be fine, but I was still nervous. I changed into my running clothes after work that first Wednesday and drove with some trepidation to Fashion Island for my first run with Woot! I quickly learned that my fears were unfounded

What I discovered was a group of warm and encouraging runners who were excited about meeting new people and just running to have fun. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have to bust my butt to “keep up”. This group is fast! It just means that there is no competition between the runners. No inflated egos. Just a group of runners who enjoy the company of other runners. I love that!

On Sunday mornings, we would meet at a coffee shop in Newport Beach for a casual 3-4 mile run and on Wednesday nights we would meet at a different store at Fashion Island in Newport Beach for a 3-6 mile run, depending on if you wanted to run with the short group or long group. We would stop periodically along the route to take group pictures. We run, we talk, we laugh. It’s always a good time. Sometimes, I would dread the run beforehand, because I know I have to work hard to keep up, but I never regret the run. I actually feel more accomplished afterwards.

Unfortunately, my new schedule as a floor nurse has prevented me from running with my group as much as I would like. As a case manager, I had a set schedule that allowed me to consistently run with my running group, which is not the situation now. For example, this week I worked 12 hour days until 8pm at night on Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday so it’s been a running challenge. I was able to do a 10 mile trail run this week on my day off so I’m happy about that.

I’ll try to be more consistent in my blog this time. I have some exciting races coming up: San Diego Half Marathon, Jack and Jill Marathon with my friend, AJ, and lastly, Chicago Marathon, which has been a dream for a long time. Hopefully, work and life stress will be less in the weeks to come and I can really embrace training.

I have 8 more weeks left of grad school. I finally finished the required 500 clinical hours that left me with little time to train for anything, let alone just exercise. Lack of physical activity means more to me than just loss of training, though. It means that I have lost much of my stress release, which is crucial for a nurse.

Nursing is a stressful career, because nurses deal with the lives of people on an everyday basis. The care we provide affects us and our patients on a physical, emotional, and, many times, spiritual level. Yes, it is rewarding in so many ways, but that doesn’t prevent the stress from creeping in and gnawing at our psyche. And while exercise does not prevent the anxiety and stress I feel during my shift, it does help me get a grip on it. Physical activity helps with resiliency. It makes me hardier; therefore, not being able to exercise caused me additional stress on top of removing some of my ability to deal with said pressure. In other words, there was a lot more chocolate ingested in those months!!! Chocolate became my inefficient coping method.

In regards to training, I am now realizing how tough it is going to be to get back what fitness I had lost prior to school. Not to mention, lose the 15 -20 pounds that I gained during grad school (I did mention how mini Twix and Snickers replaced exercise as a stress release those months…). In December I would officially begin my 50-mile training, but will I be ready by then?

I recently finished a 10k race with my older brother, Kevin, on October 14. It was his first 10k race and, though it certainly wasn’t my first, I was nervous that I would not be able to finish it due to lack of running and he was so excited to run this race together. Siblings united. I remember when he “dollnapped” my Cabbage Patch Kid when we were children. I would chase after him, anxiously trying to get my doll back from the clutches of my older brother who sought to antagonize me as many times as he could (Alas, he has matured since then. Ha! Ha! Love you brother!!). Back then the only time we ever ran together were when I was chasing him or vice versa, usually with one of us yelling or threatening to tell mom or dad. This was the first time we would be running towards a common goal together. I couldn’t let him down.

At the start of HB Surf City 10 10K. I may have looked confident, but I was honestly nervous!

He told me his goal was to finish at a 10:30 or 11:00 minute mile pace. No problem. It was a flat, fast course, right?? I can manage that. We ran the first mile at a 10:38 minute pace. He was keeping up with no issues so I decided to go a little faster with each mile. I was so proud of my brother! He was smiling and keeping up with the accelerated pace while I, on the other hand, was trying to control my respiratory rate to no avail. I didn’t stop, but I was secretly hoping Kevin would ask for a walk break so I could take a breather without feeling like it was my first 10k instead of the other way around. We ran through the finish line at an 8:47 pace. My brother looked like he could easily run another 6 miles while I looked like I narrowly escaped being in respiratory arrest. I couldn’t believe how hard it was to run a 10k now when I had run a 50 miler in 2016! How quickly one’s fitness fades!

Kevin and I flashing our medals – October 14, 2018

Since that race I have done a few more training runs on the trails. Last Sunday, I tried to run 15 miles with my boyfriend, Chris. We started at Sycamore Canyon trailhead in Whittier, which leads to Sycamore Switchbacks. And, yes, it’s as evil as it sounds. I silently cursed myself for suggesting this trail. While it is not as bad as the 99 switchbacks at Mount Whitney, it is still an exhausting task. At least for me it is. Of course, Chris zoomed past me and I spent most of my time glaring at his back while my pace got slower and slower and slower until I finally reached Rattlesnake Ridge Trail where he was patiently waiting for me, looking unperturbed by the hideous ascent.

Sycamore Canyon Switchbacks (Whittier, CA)

We then proceeded to run (or in my case, hike/crawl) towards Nike Hill to get more mileage. I was beginning to feel like I needed to be institutionalized because who in their right mind would want to do a trail with the word, “hill”, in it after finishing another trail that contained the word, “switchbacks”, in it. Nevertheless, we ran down Nike Hill and I was feeling pretty good at that moment, because, you know, it was downhill as opposed to uphill. Usually, this would be the end of my run and I would be happy to walk to my car across the street, but since this was mile 7 and I had another 8 miles to go (not to mention, my car was parked at another trailhead), I was not in a celebratory mood. Running down Nike Hill meant that I had to hike back up, because I certainly could not run it at this moment. Chris couldn’t run it either, but his legs carried him up quicker than mine. Plus I had to stop and hyperventilate a few times! When will this get easier?

Chris and I taking a photo break (Whittier, CA)

When I finally reached the top of Nike Hill, I knew I was tapped out. I couldn’t make it all the way back to Sycamore. I ran/hiked the best I could through the woodchips. We were heading towards Coyote Trail, which was part of the course I take when doing my 5-mile loop at Hacienda Hills. I knew Coyote Trail was mainly downhill towards the Hacienda Hills trailhead with a few small inclines. I also knew I could cut out 2 miles if I went this way. Some people may call this cheating, but I was thinking along the lines of survival! I told Chris my plan. I would continue on Coyote and wait for him down at the Hacienda Hills trailhead. There was a water fountain and a shaded bench there so I knew I would be ok. He would continue on back towards Sycamore and pick me up afterwards. He agreed and I ran down the familiar trail, dodging hikers and unleashed dogs. I ended up doing a little over 12 miles that day. It was a tough trail run and I was not prepared for the hardship. However, one good thing came out of it…I didn’t trip this time!

Category: nursing

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Dealing with Loss of Fitness